Invisible
by Mimichee
Summary: It's Meimi's thoughts about the Meimi, iSaint Tail, Asuka triangle, from her point of view. In her mind, she's kind of talking to Asuka. I've redone the second chapter. Yay!
1. See Me

See Me 

When I look into the mirror, I see Meimi Haneoka, a girl with long auburn hair and innocent blue eyes. There's a smile on her face, but when I look past that smile, I cry. I cry because I see someone else, someone who you only want to see. Who they only want to see.

Not me.

I hold up my hair and the person in the mirror changes. It's not me anymore. Instead, there is a beautiful and graceful girl. Her dark blue eyes are mysterious and they flash with mischievousness, shining with skill and intelligence. When I look in the mirror, I see Saint Tail. 

Wonderful, heroic Saint Tail, who's mature and always saves the day. Saint Tail, who everyone loves and idols. 

I hate her. But at the same time, I envy her, and I suppose that's why I hate her so much. It's so frustrating. I want to be just like her, but I can't. How can I, when I _am_ her? She has everything she wants. Everything I want. Everything I don't have. 

But most importantly, she has you. And I guess that's what hurts most.

I went to school today and I saw you talking with your friends. I watched you silently. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, I love everything about you. How you laugh, how you stand, how you make wild gestures when you talk. 

Then I heard you talking. You were talking about Saint Tail, me. You were talking about me. But I guess that's wrong, isn't it? You never talk about me.

I called out to you, asking to also hear about your encounter with Saint Tail. I didn't need to, I already knew. I had been there. But it didn't matter, I'd use any excuse to hear your voice.

You finished your story and puffed your chest out importantly. I hid a smile, inquiring something about Saint Tail. You got angry and we started arguing. I don't remember over what, but I didn't mind. If this was the only way that you would talk to me, then I'd take it. But—

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SAINT TAIL!"

Do you realize how often you say that? And every time you say it, it's like one knife after another piercing my heart. 

I know Saint Tail. I know her so well, it hurts. I know her because she is me, and I am her. 

I always manage to yell back at you and stomp away just in time to hide my tears. I don't want you to pity me, or hate me even more. Bumbling Meimi. Stupid, clumsy Meimi. Meimi the cry baby. You hate me.

I love you.

But when you look at me, the only person you see is _her_.

Only her.

Never me.

Why don't you ever see _me_? What's so wrong with me? Am I so bad to look at? Am I so horrible to be with, to talk to?

During the day, you never look at me. You never even give me a second glance.

But at night, when I turn into Saint Tail, you run after me, you call out to me.

You see me.

No, not me, _her. _You chase _her. You call __her. You see _her_._

Always her.

Never me.

How is it that the person I'm competing with, is myself? How can I keep trying, knowing that she has already won? Why can't you just see? It's me you're in love with, not her. Me. It's always been me.

But you don't see me, do you? You never have. To you, it will always be her.

Always.            

The mirror breaks with my heart. It cracks in two, and I stare at it. There are two reflections, two people, two faces staring back at me.

But you only see one.

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Well, what did you think? This is my first time at one of those short stories on someone's thoughts and stuff, so I'm really anxious to know how it was. Please please please review! I'd appreciate it sooooooooo much!! 


	2. Maybe Revised

Maybe (Version 2.0)

My mirror is still broken, but that's okay. I couldn't stand looking in it anyway. Every time I look, I see that same girl, always staring back at me. Call me weak, but it hurt too much. I couldn't take it anymore… 

Sometimes I manage to escape this harsh reality. For just a small moment, I can forget my problems for a while and stay in my small bit of heaven, where there's just me. Where I can be free of myself and live my dream, where everything is perfect and blissful. No responsibilities, no pressure, no Saint Tail. No you. Just me. For that little bit of time, I only remember myself, Meimi. It's nice to be able to find myself… 

But, like all good things, dreams don't last forever, do they? When I think that I've finally found myself, know who I really am, it slips through my fingers like water, and I find myself left alone and confused…just like always. 

So many girls squeal and giggle about how much they would love to be Saint Tail, of how envious they are of her. "Oooh I wish I could be just like Saint Tail!"

Idiots, I want to scream. All anyone ever sees is the glamour, the fame, the success. But it's so hard to keep it up. Do you know how many times I've really, seriously considered just giving up? It would be so much easier to just forget everything and be a normal girl.

But the grass is always greener on the other side. 

Duty. Love. Two words I hate, and yet I'm trapped between them. Two personalities struggle to take over my being: the one you love, and the one I struggle to keep. But what can I do? I've dug too deep and I can't get out. I'm reaching out my hand to you, but will you take it?

Saint Tail is your world, and you are mine. What do I have to do to talk to you? Am I really so imperfect to you, that you can't stand me? Why do we always have to argue? Why do you always have to be thinking about her? Why does she have to be so perfect? Why does she have to be _me_?

All these questions, and no one to answer them. Only you can do that, and you won't, will you? Not for me…Never for me.

Sometimes I'll wake up and find my pillow wet, and it's funny, because I'll never remember crying. My parents are worried about me…I've been quiet lately. But I only need to go downstairs and smile brightly at them, maybe tell a funny story, and all will be well. Even my parents will be fooled by my sunny exterior.

I'm getting too good at this game.

I know it's silly, but I always watch out of the corner of my eye. I'm always watching you, you just never notice. Sometimes I'll glance at you, hoping to catch you watching me, to find some sign that you really, by some sudden chance, see _me_. 

Sometimes I imagine we make eye contact, and you quickly turn your head away, blushing, only to glance up at me again.

Other times I'll finally come over to you, shake your beautiful head and scream to you, "I'm Saint Tail! Me! I'm the one you love!" And you'll realize that it's true. I am the one you love. I am your Saint Tail.

But isn't it nice to dream?

I always get so hopeful. Stupid, isn't it? How many times have I told myself to get over you? That you're not worth it? Someone told me once. "Any man who makes you cry isn't worth anything." And how many tears have I cried over you? Too many.

But you're worth it.

I can never give up on you. God knows I've tried hard to, but no matter how much my head berates me to, no matter how much it hurts me; my heart won't have any of it.

But I can only take so much.

When I think about it, Saint Tail isn't real, is she? No, she never was. If you were to, by some chance, catch her, who would you find? Just me. Plain old Meimi Haneoka. 

It's sad, isn't it? I'm competing with someone who's not real. Who's actually me. 

But if I hang in there, maybe someday, when you turn around, it'll be me standing there behind you. It'll be me you're listening to. It'll just be me. 

And if I keep on smiling, maybe someday, it'll be me you love.

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*Waves* Hello! It's me again. This is a revised version. I wasn't too satisfied with my first one. It wasn't written to well. I'm sure some of you noticed that? Well, it is better than this version in one way: longer. 

Note to self: WRITE LONGER CHAPTERS.

Must remember that…

Actually, to be honest, I'm not too happy with this version (especially the ending). But I do like it better than the first one…

And I'm really really sorry that it's so short. I'm actually not used to writing long chapters. Hope you'll forgive me… 

I'm working on the rest of the story now. 

Please review!!!

~ Oinkii San


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